By George Streeter
With many men it is the gap between the imagination and one’s actions that causes the esteem to suffer. When what we imagine ourselves doing in our minds is more vibrant than our reality, we begin to lose hope of ever having what we truly want. This loss of hope turns into a chronic feeling of insecurity that is at the root of low self esteem.
Physiologists have noted that there is a strong correlation between high self esteem and male sexual assertiveness. Having control over ones life and the feeling of mastery ( i.e. skill) all contribute to the strengthening of one’s self esteem.
If you have some shyness or lack some self confidence then you could use more rejection in your life. Being rejected by the opposite sex will help strengthen your self confidence and self esteem. First, by taking the chance to speak to the opposite sex you will develop skills in the area of conversing. Mastery of a skill is a strong predictor of a high self esteem and of happiness
Secondly, contrary to popular belief, being rejected is a good recipe for improving one’s self esteem. According to Mel Schwartz author of A Shift of Mind, “A healthy self esteem does not consider rejection.” That means when you are rejected by the opposite sex in any situation, you are learning that your personality can survive the sting of rejection and remain intact. Your ego is strengthened by the blow to it! It is the same idea behind breaking down muscle tissue to build muscle tissue. Besides, having the physical felt sense of the resilience of your own ego in the face of rejection is a great validation of the “self”.
When I work with men who lack some self confidence I encourage them to go out and say ‘hello’ to the woman who is “out of their league” or to ask for a date from a neighbor they have the hots for. Just the act of taking a step toward your desires sends a flood of endorphins to the brain causing you to feel better about everything in your life and increasing your confidence in everything you do.