By George Streeter Relationship Coach
The first romantic getaway with your new date will be perfect if you remember these 7 tips for making any getaway a pleasurable one.
Taking that first overnight trip with your new date can be disastrous if you don’t use these seven tips to make the trip remarkable. To a woman the first getaway is an opportunity to see if the relationship has any real staying power. If you fail to employ these 7 tips in this phase of your relationship, it be could be fatal to the relationship.
Here are seven things you want to remember about the first out-of-town getaway.
1. How you treat others says everything about how you will treat her.
This may sound ominous and over exaggerated but it’s not. When you head out-of-town with that perfect woman, she is watching everything you do and say to the people you come in contact with and comparing it with everything you did and said in the past, and with her ideals about relationship.
How did you treat the concierge at the front desk? or that snarky waitress at dinner? She is watching to see how you will respond to the customer service rep at the airport. She wants to see if it is safe for her to show more vulnerable aspects of her personality to you.
Despite how well you think you know her, there are things, at this stage of the relationship, that haven’t even been spoken between you two. At this stage she wants to feel safety in your presence. She is looking for the degree of openness you have so that she can share herself with you more.
The Take Away:
Be yourself and keep part of your focus on her even when you are interacting with another. So if the bartender skips over you for the tenth time, remember in that moment she cares more about connecting with you while at the bar than being ignored by the bartender. Just keep engaging with her until the bartender comes around.
2. Let her feel your excitement… for anything.
Whether you are type A or less than type A, find something on the overnight trip to get you really excited that is not work related or (pay attention to me here) sex related. Remember she is watching everything and is judging your reactions for their potential to make her feel safe enough to be more vulnerable and real with you.
She wants to feel your genuine feelings of joy and your real enthusiasm for anything other than work or sex. She needs to know your capacity to be happy, and she is measuring your capacity against her own for long-term compatibility.
The Take away:
Here is a tip if you are under 40. Do you recall the joy and enthusiasm you had about your first Nintendo Gameboy? Well go Nintendo wild about any topic, let that good feeling take over you, and share it with her. She will give you all of that joy back 10 fold.
3. Say “No Thank You”.
We have a tendency to want to give people everything early in the relationship, even at the expense of our own needs and wants. On this getaway let her feel your “no”. When you are not a full enthusiastic yes, clear your throat and say “no thank you”. It is a kind thing to do. Remember to give her an idea of something you would rather do instead.
Gentlemen this is harder than it seems, but showing her you have a spine and that you are a man who knows what he doesn’t want, will go a long way for building the trust and safety she is craving.
The Take Away:
When you feel a little resistant to anything on the trip, let her know the minute you feel it, but leave room to negotiate an outcome that meets your needs and hers. A phrase as simple as “ I am not feeling ( fill in the blank) at the moment, I would prefer to do ( fill in the blank), how would you feel about doing that” will go a long way. SImple? Yes! Easy, No!
4. Do all the planning for one of your excursions.
So whether you are going to a dance club, a sight-seeing excursion or staying in the hotel for a movie and room service that night, take some time and thought to completely handle some aspect of your entertainment while on your getaway.
Remember, her primary motivation is for the success of the trip. When you handle the planning for some aspect of the trip she can relax knowing that you are doing something entirely for your own pleasure. The knowledge that you are acting make something fun happen for the two of you is a real turn on for her. This tip will win you many brownie points.
The Take Away:
To find the best local hangouts speak with the hotel concierge or review yelp. If you arrive at your getaway destination via plane, get an area guide at the airport. Google is a great way prep for any excursion. The key is planning, so make a good plan for dinner and have a back up just in case the menu doesn’t agree. Your thoughtfulness and preparedness will go along way towards allowing her to relax and enjoy you.
5. Recharge when you need time to yourself.
While you are practicing an authentic “no”, also practice saying “yes” to taking time for yourself on your getaway. Everyone needs, time alone to recalibrate and she may too. Give her permission to attend to her own needs, by getting permission to attend to your own needs. Taking time and space to read, hot tub, sit alone, phone a friend or veg in front of a television are necessary to the proper care and functioning of a man. So don’t neglect the time you need
The Take Away:
Take a few minutes everyday to let your mind dwell on nothing at all, but only after you incorporate tip #4.
6. Share something vulnerable.
This is the perfect opportunity to get in touch with yourself and share your insights with her. By now you are well on your way to having more intimacy and a closer relationship than ever before. Take a moment and share some aspect of your life. Sharing your fears, dreams, longings, the little hurts that we all feel from time to time over her a glimpse of you. There is also a chance for connection when you come with complete transparency.
The take away:
Do an internal gut check here, if what you have to say doesn’t make you swallow hard just thinking about saying it, then you need to go deeper. When you feel that pit in your stomach, you know you are in the right spot.
7. Keep your sense humor
Humor is a great tension reliever. In fact studies show that a man who can make a woman laugh makes her feel cared for supported. Laughter produces a feeling of security in women. Laughter releases endorphins and endorphins produce the chemical cocktails that leads to sexual arousal. Funny guys have all the fun.
The take away:
There is a difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone else’s expense. This is a very important distinction. Laughing as the pepper dispenser opens into the plate of food she has just ordered in the restaurant… not cool. Laughing at the white sunscreen that spatters her face like an indian warrior – funny. The former may cause tension, the later will cause connection.
Following these seven tips will make your next getaway more pleasurable and more satisfying for you both.