Archives For love

By George Streeter, Relationship Coach

Overt and frequent communication around sex is the only way to ensure you are getting the truth about how good you are in bed.  When I ask men the question, “How do you know if you are pleasing to a woman in bed?” I often get the same nervous defensive answer from them, “Well she hasn’t told me I am doing anything wrong.” I reply, “Has she told you that you were doing anything well?” a question to which I usually receive silence.

erotic potential photo

As I teach men and women how to reach their erotic potential in my seminars (click here for more information), a class will often come to a screeching halt as I reveal the truth around sex and communication in a typical relationship.

The truth is this: Women don’t tell us the truth about what they want more of, what they don’t want any more of, or what they feel needs to be improved in sex, because they fear bruising your ego.

As I lead the discussion, woman after woman confesses that she doesn’t make requests in bed or ask for something different from her lover because she is:

Concerned you will get angry

Concerned she will hurt you

Concerned your ego will be bruised

Concerned your cock will not get hard

Women would rather endure your unskillful touch than tell you the truth. This is because you haven’t given her overt permission to tell you the truth in bed. If you want to create an atmosphere where your sex life can be truly hot, raunchy, and uninhibited, then create intimacy with honest dialogue around the topic of sex.

Here is how to make your sex life uninhibited and super hot:

1. Give her permission to tell you what she likes in sex.

Women are afraid to hurt your ego, so they will often change the subject or avoid answering directly when you ask the question, “How is our sex life?” so don’t ask. Before your next hot make-out, give her permission to speak frankly, openly, and honestly about every aspect of your sex life.

2. Talk about sex outside of the bedroom.

Talking about sex is something women love to do! Give them an opportunity to say their thoughts around the subject. Women are conditioned to believe that sex talk with a man must necessarily lead to sex. Talking about sex in a situation where an innocent conversation remains a conversation.

3. Don’t get angry or hurt.

If you do, it will reinforce her fear that telling you the truth about your sexual ability will alter the relationship for the worse and she will never tell you the complete truth. She will need to be coaxed into delivering the awful, awful thoughts that will bring her into greater ecstasy. And believe me, the idea of bruising your sexy animal is a far greater fear than unsatisfying sex. 

4 Be playful around sex.

The more light-hearted you are around the issue of sex, the more sexual confidence you exude and the more space you create for her to be honest with you on the topic. Remember, you are creating an atmosphere of honesty so that you can have a hotter more connected sex life. What is so serious about that? Stay playful.

5 Tell her your hurts, before they become resentments.

Let her know what you like and don’t like as well. This will relax her in bed. She can feel your emotions even if you don’t tell her what you are thinking. Speak what you are feeling, because if you don’t she will think your withhold is about her and feel self-conscious with you. Being self-conscious is the opposite of being uninhibited.

Be the 1 of 100 men to do these tips and see how quickly your sex life moves from mediocre to marvelous.

By George Streeter

With many men it is the gap between the imagination and one’s actions that causes the esteem to suffer. When what we imagine ourselves doing in our minds is more vibrant than our reality, we begin to lose hope of ever having what we truly want. This loss of hope turns into a chronic feeling of insecurity that is at the root of low self esteem.

Physiologists have noted that there is a strong correlation between high self esteem and male sexual assertiveness. Having control over ones life and the feeling of mastery ( i.e. skill) all contribute to the strengthening of one’s self esteem.

If you have some shyness or lack some self confidence then you could use more rejection in your life.  Being rejected by the opposite sex will help strengthen your self confidence and self esteem. First, by taking the chance to speak to the opposite sex you will develop skills in the area of conversing.  Mastery of a skill is a strong predictor of a high self esteem and of happiness

Secondly, contrary to popular belief, being rejected is a good recipe for improving one’s self esteem. According to Mel Schwartz author of A Shift of Mind, “A healthy self esteem does not consider rejection.”  That means when you are rejected by the opposite sex in any situation, you are learning that your personality can survive the sting of rejection and remain intact. Your ego is strengthened by the blow to it! It is the same idea behind breaking down muscle tissue to build muscle tissue. Besides, having the physical felt sense of the resilience of your own ego in the face of rejection is a great validation of the “self”.

When I work with men who lack some self confidence I encourage them to go out and say ‘hello’ to the woman who is “out of their league” or to ask for a date from a neighbor they have the hots for. Just the act of taking a step toward your desires sends a flood of endorphins to the brain causing you to feel better about everything in your life and increasing your confidence in everything you do.